Mother’s 80th Birthday, the inevitable fear it brings
I am going to South Africa for my mother’s 80th birthday on February 13th. It’s a celebration, a party, but of course it brings the inevitable fear of ones mother ageing and moving towards death. So amongst the bright lights, music and laughter there lurks the thoughts of darkness and loss. With the coming of 80 is the cold sliver of ice, the shadow behind the door. Once in a while we take these thoughts out of the box and turn them over in our minds. At airports, on planes, in between places, when there’s time to ponder. For me, as I prepare to go to my mother’s 80th birthday, those thoughts are sliding around. The grandchildren are doing a big card with past photos and loving speeches. The family are gathering around the celebratory tables. Friends are trying on their dresses and buying presents. How do you mark the passing of so many years ? It holds up a mirror to the most important of human experiences, loving ones mother, watching her get old, flying across the world to see her again, even just making her a cup of tea. There’s a happiness and solidity about still having ones mother in the world and I know it won’t, can’t be, forever. So in the morning when I wake up and the time ticks towards her 80th birthday, and I go downstairs to open the shutters and make a cup of coffee, every day feels like a gift. My mother is still in the world and one day, not that many years after 80 I imagine, the world will turn on its head and she will be gone forever.
February 8th, 2010 at 11:10 pm
Wishing you a safe trip to South Africa. What an amazing piece you’ve written about your mother. We’re in the same boat – my mom already past her 80th and still very sprightly (fitter than me I dare say!!) May Mireille’s birthday go smoothly, happily and healthily. Bon voyage and looking forward to your report of all the glitz, glamour and gezundheits!
February 8th, 2010 at 11:49 pm
Thank you Maureen. A very nice and welcome message
February 9th, 2010 at 9:31 am
What a beautiful piece. Sharon I have such fond memories of both your parents and growing up with them and you and Michelle and of course my parents – the Feinsteins were always part of my growing up process. I understand how you feel – on the 7th my dad turned 80 and 2 and a half years ago my mom turned 80. We celebrated with both of them but somehow Saturday night when we made a surprise dinner party for the family and very close friends the same thoughts went through my mind. In fact for the past three years I have had the thoughts of one day they will no longer physically be walking amongst us. I strongly believe in the life after and the connection to them through the heart but the loss of the physical connection is scarry! We have been blessed to have them (at least some of them) with us until now. We have to come to terms with reality and mo matter how much one believes that when a soul drops the physical body they are still with us, it is hard!
I wish your Mom and wonderful and healthy year ahead and more healthy years to come. Please give her my love and tell her that I remember her as part of my grwing up. A safe trip and enjoy every second. Much love Marcelle
February 9th, 2010 at 9:40 am
Marcelle, this is so lovely you should write your own blog. Thank you, and I’ll tell my mum. Please give your parents my fondest regards
February 12th, 2010 at 6:46 pm
I know I am a ways away from losing my parents, they are in their 50s, but I know how you feel. They are in great health, but still, sometimes it hits me that they will be gone in 30-40 years. That might seem like a long time, but as we all know, time flies. It is very difficult trying to figure out your feelings when it comes to dealing with the impending loss of family, especially parents. We might be the most independent adults, but not having that safety net for advice and comfort is daunting. I wish you and your mom well.
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February 19th, 2010 at 3:18 pm
have a safe trip
March 10th, 2010 at 12:05 am
Hmm that’s amazing but honestly i have a hard time understanding it… wonder what others have to say..
March 10th, 2010 at 7:04 pm
parents can be irritating at the best of times, but i do feel it is important to cherish them and make the most of our time together. sharon, you are very fortunate that your mother is still with you, as for death – i guess its a morbid reality we all have to look forward to. young or old, nobody has seen the future and what lies around the corner… so make the most of every day is what i say!
March 11th, 2010 at 12:40 am
I really like when people are expressing their opinion and thought. So I like the way you are writing
May 11th, 2010 at 8:42 am
This brought tears to my eyes – also – your mum looKs SO YOUNG!
May 29th, 2010 at 6:28 am
Mazeltov, just enjoy the special moment. It is hard to believe that she is turning 80, where have the years gone?